Valentine’s Day or Single Awarness?
February 14th has always been a difficult day for me, like since birth. For you see, I was born on this day. The day before my Father’s birthday, February 15th. And as the story goes, I interrupted the party my Mother was attending that night. My parents were divorced when I was about 4 years of age, and I was constantly reminded how “special” I was to be remembered by my absent father, since my birthday preceded his. My brothers, on the other hand were born in May, found their birthdays were often overlooked by my Father (so it seemed, but never proven) with no card or gift. Therefore, leaving a wound of taunt through out my childhood by my siblings.
I would have much rather preferred the silent passing of this day. In my youth, I often was given chocolates (I hate chocolate) and red roses (can’t stand them, I prefer purple) and some cheesy heart-shaped gift. I am sure most gift givers thought they were clever, so I accepted them graciously. These items later became top sellers at the summer garage sale.
As years passed, there was one thing I became acutely aware of. I was always single on Valentine’s Day. Never had a “date” or boyfriend to woo and romance me. Maybe it was my outwardly opinion, about this holiday or maybe my cynicism was transparent. This day, to me, was nothing more than a celebration of “the day I graced the earth with my presence.” Oh sure, I celebrated for my daughter’s benefit, with valentines, candy hearts and cake, but it was not the fireworks one expects on this day. There were no surprises for me. No undying love from a secret admirer.
Around age 3, it became just me and my daughter, in our own small way, acknowledging my birthday. She learned at an early age my likes and dislikes, so bless her heart, she always found a unique gift I loved. A hand-made card, avoiding the words, “Happy Valentine’s Birthday”,my favorite dinner, a cake she made, with the help of a friend or relative and always hugs and kisses when I awoke. A simple passing of my birthday, with no Hallmark reference to Valentine’s Day. Bless her and her child-like understanding of my disgust for this holiday.
I guess, in a strange way, she was my Valentine, always. And this is a love that I can appreciate, unconditional, everlasting and forever. This discovery, is my moment of happy.